What Took Place & Why - One WEEK Contemplation part 2

I have been home for 3 days now and I continue to gain strength and as I affectionately describe my days as "learning that resting thing" I (along with my phone-Nazi wife) have limited my phone calls and interaction with people just to keep my mind clear and help with my reflection on what took place and why it took place. I have not even had a vehicle to drive, seriously!

If you read this blog at any level you know that I am a Christian and hope, pray that you also know my heart and mind are not one of arrogance but a desire to learn and grow in my walk and faith. For over 26 years now I (along with my wife and family) have ministered in churches across the United States in varying capacities. All of the ministries have been blessings to me. For some of these ministries it has taken a bit longer for me to recognize how God used that period in our lives for me and the family to recognize the and learn points from that time. Each ministry has had it's stressful points, most brought on by myself and some directly from the people in the ministry itself - but most often I have dictated that "stress" level. Here in Brownwood much of my reflection over the last 7 days has been "why did I let this happen to me?"

My weight, time investment, self-imposed expectations, management of pressure points and response to each of these issue-points has to be carried by myself. God does not expect us to live up to any human standards only His standard. Now, I will admit that though God provides us with His Word to understand and know those "standards" - humans are still "interpreting" those standards. At this point I do not need someone to say to me "scripture is very clear......." and start ranting on various interpretations of scripture. I am just trying to convey that as we grow in our spiritual walk and faith we have to learn to recognize and respond to God's direction and desires.

It has been a week now since my heart-attack. Last Wednesday my day started early and finished late with me in an CICU at a level of physical pain that is difficult if not impossible for me to describe. As I plan this day - my prayer and anticipation is that it will be vastly different.

Below is good explanation as to what happened with me during the Cardiac Catheterization that took place on Thursday of last week. I also had two stints placed in my heart as well.

The Road Home - Contemplation, part 1

My daughter ask me this morning what was I going to do today - after I indicated "nothing" she told me I should start to journal some - so here I am getting back in the groove. If you have been out of my loop last Wednesday (January 15) I had a heart-attack (the doctor considered it "light") and my world has changed! Like it or not!

Wednesday evening about 5:30 p.m. I found myself lying on the floor in my office after serving about 60 meals and having a day filled with frustration (I had even told Jill earlier in the day that I was stressed from compounding issues) rationalizing the physical pain that was filling my body. As I reflect, I know that I was thinking "this is just gas" and "I really need a massage to help this hurting back" and "two years ago my doctor told me that I was having issues with acid reflux and that the symptoms were very similar to heart attacks," "I really don't want to alarm people," "I need to get these carolers out the door," "why is there a toilet outside one of the rental houses," "I need to make arrangements to get the kitchen cleaned," "I need to lose weight," "the Sunday services are nowhere near ready," "I still need to get a family to light the advent candle," "what about the ferns outside the office doors - they need to be replaced," "I need to get the jazz band secured for my daughter's wedding in three weeks," "this food issue at the reception are ridiculous," "I really need to have a long conversation with Alan (our new Lead Pastor) about the calendar for the spring and all of 2011" and the list could go on and on and on. Needless to say with some powerful persuasion from some very loving yet determined individuals I was helped to a vehicle - off to the Brownwood Regional Medical Center and in the Emergency Room and eventually landed at Abilene Regional Medical ICU for three days and five total days in the hospital.

My wife (whom I love even more today than seven days ago - and whom I affectionately now call the "phone-Nazi") lovingly completely restricted my phone and Internet access as well as consistently with a firm tone indicated to me that I was going to slow down. So many have shown their prayers, love, support, help and reflections it is really overwhelming to me as I read through them.

During the same week my younger brother was having some significant out-patient surgery that would put him down for just over a week. So much, so quickly and compacted that as I began my journey home (I affectionately call the "Hundred-Acre Woods") it really seems surreal. Thus my posting of that picture above will now help me to know that this was not a dream and I do have to make some changes - like it or not!

What Does a Christian Look Like?

The picture here is from our Church marquee sign. Over the past year's of being in full-time ministry every once-in-a-while I fall right into something that really catches my attention spiritually. Something that is a bit hard to describe and... being a believer of the Trinity I just chalk it up to the Holy Spirit doing something, speaking to me, trying to get my attention over something. I posted this particular pic on my Facebook wall with the statement "amazed at how many phone calls and emails we have received from this sign" and yet another string of comments were received. Here is a bit of a sampling from them.

• that's awesome
• lol
• please don't take it down because of those who think God only loves those who are better at hiding their sin
• Eric, It is so nice you have a church that fully accepts you!! LOL...no I read the other day where a church put their info and the phrase..."Give our church a shot!" on shot glasses and hit the bars one night inviting folks to church!!.
• one of the best posts I've seen all day
• Well, I will be driving by asap!
• That sign will probably show up on Leno or something! I look forward to your next sign change!
• Figured you would get some bad stuff from this as most Christians around Brownwood are prudes and do not show the love of Christ! You need to put up Jesus Loves Homosexuals! haha! I like what Gandhi said sometimes..He said I like your Christ...but you Christians I do not like!
• on top of it...and I will never understand this is why "Sunday" Christians think it is some type of sin to have a sense of humor. The word LAUGHTER is in the Bible countless times and besides, JESUS does love strippers. The Bible says nothing can separate you from the love of GOD.

We went ahead and left the sign up for an additional week and this led to some additional feedback not quite as supportive of the sign's utilization with this particular phrase. The sign is coming down today not because a few have had concerns - it's just time. But, I am still trying to wrap my mind around how different Jesus looks within the Christian family of faith community.

I am in a Thursday morning Bible study with a group of guys and one of the men from the group today emailed a link to a blog site here and he quotes Edward Hays "If we are to experience God, we must be open to God, to the mystical, to the divine, appearing in our lives. And we must have an openness that is free of any preconditions about how that will happen. looking for God in the godly form is the great historical mistake."

I do know this - there are so many out there that struggle with some of what I consider some of the simplest concepts of Christianity. They have difficulty believing that people who live by some clearly defined scriptural guidelines would not be judging them as a person regardless of their activity and though...... they are clearly not in favor of the activity itself. I could continue down this road that is certainly winding with divergent exit roads to various scriptural topics but I'll just stop here and say. Jesus loves everyone, regardless! Even strippers!

Home Alone

It's Friday night in Central Texas and at 7:52 p.m. it is still 81 degrees with enough humidity for it to feel like 88. This after the high today had to be over 100. Jill is out of town tonight on work related stuff and being the empty-nesters that we are - here I am, home alone. Television viewing is pretty thin in the early days of August on a Friday night. I have reviewed all of my Facebook friends status updates, paid all the bills, read the online version of USA Today and the New York Times (at least looked at the pictures), actually cleaned the guest bathroom, ran the vacuum, texted some good friends that are fighting a battle with cancer (and winning at this point), played with the dog a bit, made some fresh-brewed iced tea, checked the email multiple times and pondered some of life's mysteries.

Today in an email to our church family and friends I encouraged them to read John chapter 5 in anticipation of the Sunday AM worship service at church. I have looked through, heard preached, and debated this passage many times over the past 25 years of my professional, ministerial life but tonight it is having some freshness to me. I have now encouraged my FB friends to provide some feedback and now you. Do you have some thoughts here?

Finding the Humor!

Yes it has been awhile - now that we are past that, here it is!

My days over the past 6-7 months have been all over the place. At church one of our Pastor's was led to another ministry and I found myself as the last full-time fella in the place. Then change just became a bit rampant with transitions taking place on an almost weekly basis. Compounding the stress of finding people and their anxiousness over varying thoughts on what is "true" biblical interpretation. Then budget preparations in an economy that is stressed at best layered on top of our last child leaving the little nest and then our 7th performing season at the Lyric has found my ability to multi-task seriously challenged. I will be the first to admit I have not handled this challenge very well. Often late on needed task, many tasks handled and completed in less-than-quality fashion and just simply making some bad decisions.

Well then I found myself with two relatively close associations of people choosing to take their own life, people ravaged and passing from cancer people hurting from the loss of a family member and this seems to have been my life and ministry for just about 6 months. In this week alone I have seen three deaths one of which was my principal from elementary school and seriously - 5 deaths in the last two months. I have even been taking almost 11 days to make a play on Words With Friends and I can not even remember the last time I was at the gym exercising.

Now for the day and the topic of this post. I so love scripture and it's ability to speak truth and confer a sense of peace to believers. Today's reading was from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." As I was trying feverishly today to do some "catching up" I found myself penning some words to a friend that just discovered cancer in her uterus. In my attempts to spell "uterine" (which I am still sure is an actual English word) my spelling kept making me change the word to "Lutheran." Now, I don't know about you but to me that is funny!

As I have re-read this blog it so sounds like a "woe-is-me" post, but that really is not my intent. Everyone has seasons to struggles. These "seasons" look different from person to person and just wanting to get to the next week can be stressful in and of itself. Find the love Paul was referencing. Stop looking over the septic tank to the other side. Pick the daisies and don't just stare at them. And, for Pete's sake (whomever he is) don't watch the weather and happenings in the Gulf.

Next week our family will attempt to take what will more-than-likely be our last family vacation together. Kids are out of the house, Erica is engaged to be married to a great guy this coming January and I am determined to build our house in which I expect to be our last. I'm hoping that we can take a Night-time Segway tour of Haunted Churches, Houses, Old Buildings of downtown San Antonio. (Doesn't that just sound like fun!?!) My prayer today is that I can apply the words the Apostle Paul penned to the church at Corinth - Peace!

Oh, I am so in this particular song!

Patience & Motivation

This photo shows Dylon (right in the center with the black bibs from his band uniform) just before the Senior Walk during the last home football game of his Senior year in High School.

This year has been packed full of "stuff" and "activities." He has participated in his first High School musical - and played the lead no-less. His basketball team went two-deep into the playoffs and though he was not a starter he still made every practice, bus trip, tournament, etc..... In band his ensemble advanced to state and will rehearse early in the morning and late in the afternoon up until the end of May when they head to Austin. He is taking college Physics which at times is "eating his lunch" academically. His favorite statement to me regarding this Physics class is "I love the application but can't stand the homework and equations!" He is planning on taking a mission trip with the church youth group this summer to Mexico. To say that he is busy is probably an understatement but I have noticed in my short 47 years of life that healthy teenagers tend to find themselves in this time of schedule and "lifestyle."

Dylon, like most people, is now struggling with the final 11 weeks of school. Now, to be completely truthful, it has not been just the final 11 weeks but this entire year. He fights getting his homework completed and for that matter just about anything completed. His "patience" and conversation level is very short and by no-means attempt to question him as to his motives and/or intents because they are his and shouldn't really matter to the masses of people let alone a parent.

As a point - Dylon has been a part of the media ministry at our church for over five years. When issues arise during a worship service as soon as possible we begin to text one another (this goes for all the media personnel) to address issues that need attention. Well - we get to going back and forth with the text messages and the next thing you know I get a text with a link to a website. Out of curiosity I head to the web site via my iPhone and find myself at an Anger Management course. Yes! you read that correctly - Dylon was confident that I needed some professional help and want to play a part in me finding that help. It took me a couple of minutes to stop laughing (on the inside because the service was still happening) then I thought "this boy really lacks some patience!"

Now, as some time has passed and I find myself often in the same predicament. I often want something completed or at least where I can see the "light at the end of the tunnel" and if it doesn't happen quickly my motivation just vanishes. A nice scripture reference comes from Ecclesiastes 7:8 "The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride." Now a quick discernment for me on this scripture shows that even God knows that to see or be at the "light at the end of the tunnel" is a good thing but we better be careful in how we get there when it comes to patience and motivation or we could have another serious issue to handle.

So, today I'm gonna stay the course, be even-tempered and take a breath when I just want to be at the "end of the tunnel." Pride and the negatives surrounding that issue is much more difficult to handle than patience.

Random Thoughts

Here I sit, legs crossed on a set of bleachers in the same high school gym I where I auditioned to be Drum Major in my High School band. Where I remember pep rallies, a few basketball games and one hated semester of Physical Education. Dylon graduates this year from High School. Still can't believe our baby is 18 and making applications to Universities. Also in this same memory pool is Coach Alcorn, a young man that graduated with Dexter, play basketball with him and yes, he is one of the assistant coaches. I know, I know - getting mushy on here tends to happen too often but I just must be in that season of life because every time I turn a corner it begins to happen.

Last week I got my "little." If you are familiar with Big Brothers Big Sisters - the term "little" is used by the "big" (me) to reference their little brother. His name is Joseph and by all outward signs is a great kid. I pray that our family can have a positive impact in this kids life over the next few years. I am really amazed at all of the need that is present in this dynamic in our little town.

Last night we had a discussion forum at church to discuss the Elders in our church. This is new territory for our church family when it comes to church polity and specifically its leadership. It's challenging for our diverse congregation which is generally VERY young (in its age demographic) to adapt to healthy comfort levels. We are a blessed family of faith with very little conflict over the years and though I am a little anxious over this new territory I am also encouraged.

Is this enough randomness for a post? At least it is a post. Blessings!