What Took Place & Why - One WEEK Contemplation part 2

I have been home for 3 days now and I continue to gain strength and as I affectionately describe my days as "learning that resting thing" I (along with my phone-Nazi wife) have limited my phone calls and interaction with people just to keep my mind clear and help with my reflection on what took place and why it took place. I have not even had a vehicle to drive, seriously!

If you read this blog at any level you know that I am a Christian and hope, pray that you also know my heart and mind are not one of arrogance but a desire to learn and grow in my walk and faith. For over 26 years now I (along with my wife and family) have ministered in churches across the United States in varying capacities. All of the ministries have been blessings to me. For some of these ministries it has taken a bit longer for me to recognize how God used that period in our lives for me and the family to recognize the and learn points from that time. Each ministry has had it's stressful points, most brought on by myself and some directly from the people in the ministry itself - but most often I have dictated that "stress" level. Here in Brownwood much of my reflection over the last 7 days has been "why did I let this happen to me?"

My weight, time investment, self-imposed expectations, management of pressure points and response to each of these issue-points has to be carried by myself. God does not expect us to live up to any human standards only His standard. Now, I will admit that though God provides us with His Word to understand and know those "standards" - humans are still "interpreting" those standards. At this point I do not need someone to say to me "scripture is very clear......." and start ranting on various interpretations of scripture. I am just trying to convey that as we grow in our spiritual walk and faith we have to learn to recognize and respond to God's direction and desires.

It has been a week now since my heart-attack. Last Wednesday my day started early and finished late with me in an CICU at a level of physical pain that is difficult if not impossible for me to describe. As I plan this day - my prayer and anticipation is that it will be vastly different.

Below is good explanation as to what happened with me during the Cardiac Catheterization that took place on Thursday of last week. I also had two stints placed in my heart as well.

The Road Home - Contemplation, part 1

My daughter ask me this morning what was I going to do today - after I indicated "nothing" she told me I should start to journal some - so here I am getting back in the groove. If you have been out of my loop last Wednesday (January 15) I had a heart-attack (the doctor considered it "light") and my world has changed! Like it or not!

Wednesday evening about 5:30 p.m. I found myself lying on the floor in my office after serving about 60 meals and having a day filled with frustration (I had even told Jill earlier in the day that I was stressed from compounding issues) rationalizing the physical pain that was filling my body. As I reflect, I know that I was thinking "this is just gas" and "I really need a massage to help this hurting back" and "two years ago my doctor told me that I was having issues with acid reflux and that the symptoms were very similar to heart attacks," "I really don't want to alarm people," "I need to get these carolers out the door," "why is there a toilet outside one of the rental houses," "I need to make arrangements to get the kitchen cleaned," "I need to lose weight," "the Sunday services are nowhere near ready," "I still need to get a family to light the advent candle," "what about the ferns outside the office doors - they need to be replaced," "I need to get the jazz band secured for my daughter's wedding in three weeks," "this food issue at the reception are ridiculous," "I really need to have a long conversation with Alan (our new Lead Pastor) about the calendar for the spring and all of 2011" and the list could go on and on and on. Needless to say with some powerful persuasion from some very loving yet determined individuals I was helped to a vehicle - off to the Brownwood Regional Medical Center and in the Emergency Room and eventually landed at Abilene Regional Medical ICU for three days and five total days in the hospital.

My wife (whom I love even more today than seven days ago - and whom I affectionately now call the "phone-Nazi") lovingly completely restricted my phone and Internet access as well as consistently with a firm tone indicated to me that I was going to slow down. So many have shown their prayers, love, support, help and reflections it is really overwhelming to me as I read through them.

During the same week my younger brother was having some significant out-patient surgery that would put him down for just over a week. So much, so quickly and compacted that as I began my journey home (I affectionately call the "Hundred-Acre Woods") it really seems surreal. Thus my posting of that picture above will now help me to know that this was not a dream and I do have to make some changes - like it or not!