The Road Home - Contemplation, part 1

My daughter ask me this morning what was I going to do today - after I indicated "nothing" she told me I should start to journal some - so here I am getting back in the groove. If you have been out of my loop last Wednesday (January 15) I had a heart-attack (the doctor considered it "light") and my world has changed! Like it or not!

Wednesday evening about 5:30 p.m. I found myself lying on the floor in my office after serving about 60 meals and having a day filled with frustration (I had even told Jill earlier in the day that I was stressed from compounding issues) rationalizing the physical pain that was filling my body. As I reflect, I know that I was thinking "this is just gas" and "I really need a massage to help this hurting back" and "two years ago my doctor told me that I was having issues with acid reflux and that the symptoms were very similar to heart attacks," "I really don't want to alarm people," "I need to get these carolers out the door," "why is there a toilet outside one of the rental houses," "I need to make arrangements to get the kitchen cleaned," "I need to lose weight," "the Sunday services are nowhere near ready," "I still need to get a family to light the advent candle," "what about the ferns outside the office doors - they need to be replaced," "I need to get the jazz band secured for my daughter's wedding in three weeks," "this food issue at the reception are ridiculous," "I really need to have a long conversation with Alan (our new Lead Pastor) about the calendar for the spring and all of 2011" and the list could go on and on and on. Needless to say with some powerful persuasion from some very loving yet determined individuals I was helped to a vehicle - off to the Brownwood Regional Medical Center and in the Emergency Room and eventually landed at Abilene Regional Medical ICU for three days and five total days in the hospital.

My wife (whom I love even more today than seven days ago - and whom I affectionately now call the "phone-Nazi") lovingly completely restricted my phone and Internet access as well as consistently with a firm tone indicated to me that I was going to slow down. So many have shown their prayers, love, support, help and reflections it is really overwhelming to me as I read through them.

During the same week my younger brother was having some significant out-patient surgery that would put him down for just over a week. So much, so quickly and compacted that as I began my journey home (I affectionately call the "Hundred-Acre Woods") it really seems surreal. Thus my posting of that picture above will now help me to know that this was not a dream and I do have to make some changes - like it or not!