I have been home for 3 days now and I continue to gain strength and as I affectionately describe my days as "learning that resting thing" I (along with my phone-Nazi wife) have limited my phone calls and interaction with people just to keep my mind clear and help with my reflection on what took place and why it took place. I have not even had a vehicle to drive, seriously!
If you read this blog at any level you know that I am a Christian and hope, pray that you also know my heart and mind are not one of arrogance but a desire to learn and grow in my walk and faith. For over 26 years now I (along with my wife and family) have ministered in churches across the United States in varying capacities. All of the ministries have been blessings to me. For some of these ministries it has taken a bit longer for me to recognize how God used that period in our lives for me and the family to recognize the and learn points from that time. Each ministry has had it's stressful points, most brought on by myself and some directly from the people in the ministry itself - but most often I have dictated that "stress" level. Here in Brownwood much of my reflection over the last 7 days has been "why did I let this happen to me?"
My weight, time investment, self-imposed expectations, management of pressure points and response to each of these issue-points has to be carried by myself. God does not expect us to live up to any human standards only His standard. Now, I will admit that though God provides us with His Word to understand and know those "standards" - humans are still "interpreting" those standards. At this point I do not need someone to say to me "scripture is very clear......." and start ranting on various interpretations of scripture. I am just trying to convey that as we grow in our spiritual walk and faith we have to learn to recognize and respond to God's direction and desires.
It has been a week now since my heart-attack. Last Wednesday my day started early and finished late with me in an CICU at a level of physical pain that is difficult if not impossible for me to describe. As I plan this day - my prayer and anticipation is that it will be vastly different.
Below is good explanation as to what happened with me during the Cardiac Catheterization that took place on Thursday of last week. I also had two stints placed in my heart as well.
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Don't be too hard on yourself about self-imposed stress...Gary and I both (and others in full-time ministry) know how difficult it is to juggle the demands of the ministry with the realities of life. A time of rest and reflection is good! You'll be even more effective when you get back on your feet! <> to you and the Family!
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